When Akatsuki meets a chat room
by Introvertedraccoon94
Summary: Just another chat room crack-fic, where our out-of-character villains find out the true wonders of the internet. Well, apart from Kakuzu, who is still throwing a tantrum about the cost. Warning: May contain mature language, hints of yaoi, and bad humour.
1. Welcome to the ineffectual chat room

_[LeadR has logged in]_

_[OrigamiRose has logged in]_

LeadR: So…where are the others?

OrigamiRose: Probably still complaining, sir.

LeadR: Geez, I set this up instead of the whole "hologram" thing to save time, and I don't even get a single thanks.

OrigamiRose: …

LeadR: What?

OrigamiRose: I think they're coming on…

_[IHazTheEyes has logged in]_

_[Ninja_Of_The_Lake has logged in]_

_[PLANTman has logged in]_

LeadR: Only three of you, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REST?

Ninja_Of_The_Lake: lol Nice name, Itachi.

OrigamiRose: *sighs* I don't think they bothered, sir.

IHazTheEyes: …ninja of the lake?

LeadR: CALL THEM ON THEN!

_[OrigamiRose has logged out]_

Ninja_Of_The_Lake: *blushes* Okay, I couldn't come up with a better one…

PLANTman: I'm hungry.

Ninja_Of_The_Lake: Don't eat meh!

IHazTheEyes: He only eats dead bodies…

PLANTman: When is dinner ready?

LeadR: Wait till Konan comes back.

Ninja_Of_The_Lake: Should I change my name?

IHazTheEyes: …

LeadR: Yes.

PLANTman: It's too long…

_[OrigamiRose has logged in]_

_[ScorpionORS has logged in]_

_[BombsRul3 has logged in]_

_[Internet=wasteofmoney has logged in]_

_[Fuck/You has logged in]_

OrigamiRose: They're on now.

LeadR: Good work Konan.

Fuck/You: lol Look at Kakuzu's fucking username!

Ninja_Of_The_Lake: lol XD

BombsRul3: At least Tobi isn't on here, right Danna?

LeadR: Language, Hidan.

ScorpionORS: … -_-

Internet=wasteofmoney: I cannot believe you bought out a stupid chatroom!

Fuck/You: Haha, your name is fucking stupid too, sharky.

LeadR: It is much easier to write on a chatroom than to use holograms.

LeadR: And Hidan, you will be blocked if you continue.

Ninja_Of_The_Lake: Shut up, I'm thinking about changing it anyway…

BombsRul3: I'm bored…

Fuck/You: Bitch ass leader.

_[Fuck/You has logged out]_

ScorpionORS: No bombs, brat.

IHazTheEyes: …

Internet=wasteofmoney: Our finances are going downhill as it is, at least the holograms were free…

PLANTman: When's dinner, Konan?

LeadR: I cannot help Tobi's sugar urges…

BombsRul3: You're jealous of my art, Danna.

BombsRul3: Also, can't we just drop Tobi instead of dealing with him.

Internet=wasteofmoney: I second that.

OrigamiRose: In an hour.

Ninja_Of_The_Lake: Ooh, what're we having?

LeadR: We are not dropping anybody.

ScorpionORS: Art is eternal, brat!

_[Internet=wasteofmoney has logged out]_

LeadR: …

PLANTman: I don't think he'll be coming back on.

OrigamiRose: Anyone up for ramen?

PLANTman: No.

Ninja_Of_The_Lake: No. :(

LeadR: No.

BombsRul3: No.

ScorpionORS: Don't eat.

IHazTheEyes: …maybe.

Ninja_Of_The_Lake: 0.o

BombsRul3: Art is a bang!

LeadR: I demand something else, Konan.

ScorpionORS: Do you want to die?

OrigamiRose: How about sushi?

Ninja_Of_The_Lake: Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

IHazTheEyes: …

IHazTheEyes: Now I'm blind AND deaf.

PLANTman: …I can hear you from outside, Kisame.

BombsRul3: Don't be upset because my art is true art.

OrigamiRose: …chicken?

PLANTman: *licks lips*

Ninja_Of_The_Lake: That'll do.

ScorpionORS: That's it! I'm going to kill you!

_[ScorpionORS has logged out]_

IHazTheEyes: …I would run Deidara.

BombsRul3: Shut up, Uchiha.

_[BombsRul3 has logged out]_

_[Fuck/You has logged in]_

Fuck/You: Hey! You fucking blocked me! :(

LeadR: No bad language or I'll block you again.

Fuck/You: For what? Five fucking minutes?

_[Fuck/You has logged out]_

LeadR: I warned him.

Ninja_Of_The_Lake: I'm gonna go change my name now. Just let me feed my gold fish.

_[Ninja_Of_The_Lake has logged out]_

OrigamiRose: I'm off to make dinner.

PLANTman: Yay!

_[OrigamiRose has logged out]_

_[ScorpionORS has logged in]_

LeadR: Sasori, where's Deidara?

ScorpionORS: He'll recover.

IHazTheEyes: …

PLANTman: They always have fights about art.

LeadR: As long as he's alive, and able to go on missions, that's fine.

IHazTheEyes: …?

ScorpionORS: What is it?

IHazTheEyes: What does ORS stand for?

ScorpionORS: Of Red Sand.

LeadR: …that's pretty clever…

_[0Mask has logged in]_

0Mask: Hi guys! Tobi's here!

IHazTheEyes: …

LeadR: …

ScorpionORS: …

PLANTman: Hi Tobi.

_[IHazTheEyes has logged out]_

0Mask: HELLO, ZETSU-SAN!

ScorpionORS: …I didn't know he knew how to spell…

LeadR: …

0Mask: Sasori-san! Where's Deidara-sempai?

_[LeadR has logged out]_

ScorpionORS: Dead.

0Mask: … what?

PLANTman: …

0Mask: Is Tobi a good boy?

ScorpionORS: I can't deal with this.

_[ScorpionORS has logged out]_

PLANTman: I've got to go. Leader is calling me. Bye Tobi!

_[PLANTman has logged out]_

0Mask: Now Tobi is all alone…

0Mask: *cries*

_[BombsRul3 has logged in]_

BombsRul3: Danna, you still here?

0Mask: Sempai! You're alive!

BombsRul3: Crap! It's Tobi!

_[BombsRul3 has logged out]_

0Mask: Wait for me, Deidara-sempai!

_[0Mask has logged out]_

_[Jaws_Fan has logged in]_

_[Fuck/You has logged in]_

Fuck/You: Finally! The ban fucking lifted again.

Jaws_Fan: My new name is much better now. :)

Fuck/You: Where the fuck is the leader?

Jaws_Fan: In his office, doing work.

Fuck/You: Fuck yes! Now I can fucking talk how I damn well please.

_[IHazTheEyes has logged on]_

IHazTheEyes: Has he gone?

Jaws_Fan: Who?

IHazTheEyes: Tobi.

Fuck/You: Fucking Tobi was on here? I'm glad I was fucking banned then.

Jaws_Fan: You're not original on swears, you keep saying fuck.

Fuck/You: Piss off.

_[ScorpionORS has logged in]_

_[PLANTman has logged in]_

PLANTman: Almost dinner time! :)

Jaws_Fan: Woo!

Fuck/You: All you lot can fucking think about is food!

Jaws_Fan: :(

ScorpionORS: Damn it.

PLANTman: Not true!

IHazTheEyes: …?

IHazTheEyes: What is it Sasori?

Fuck/You: Yes it fucking is. Who the fuck cares if we're eating chicken tonight?

ScorpionORS: The brat's let off another explosion.

PLANTman: …I could eat you.

Fuck/You: Shit.

_[BombsRul3 has logged on]_

ScorpionORS: What did you do this time?

Fuck/You: hehe, sorry Zetsu, I didn't mean it so…DON'T FUCKING EAT MEH!

BombsRul3: Blame Tobi. He was being too annoying.

Jaws_Fan: Ah, karma is sweet. :)

PLANTman: You're lucky that it's almost dinner time…

IHazTheEyes: Are you talking about Hidan and Zetsu, or Tobi getting blown up, Kisame?

ScorpionORS: Could you teach him a lesson without disturbing me?

Jaws_Fan: Hidan.

Fuck/You: Gay shark.

BombsRul3: Nope.

ScorpionORS: *sighs*

_[LeadR has logged on]_

_[Internet=wasteofmoney has logged on]_

Internet=wasteofmoney: Hidan you owe me $$$

_[Internet=wasteofmoney has logged out]_

LeadR: He logged on just for that?

Fuck/You: Arrogant money grabbing bastard.

LeadR: Hidan. I'm warning you.

_[OrigamiRose has logged on]_

OrigamiRose: Dinner's ready.

_[OrigamiRose has logged out]_

_[PLANTman has logged out]_

_[Jaws_Fan has logged out]_

_[LeadR has logged out]_

_[Fuck/You has logged out]_

_[BombsRul3 has logged out]_

IHazTheEyes: …

_[IHazTheEyes has logged out]_

ScorpionORS: *blinks*

ScorpionORS: …

ScorpionORS: I don't eat.

_[ScorpionORS has logged out]_

* * *

><p>Okay, so I was reading Akatsuki chatroom stuffs, and I thought <em>'let's create my own - just for <strong>fun<strong>_.' After I had made it, I showed my sister and she demanded me to put it up here. How could I refuse? Afterall, she _was_ holding a flamethrower...

Voila! I put it up. And if you're worried that the Akatsuki aren't acting canon, don't worry. They're not supposed to be...


	2. Want to play with my snake?

_[IHazTheEyes has logged on]_

_[ScorpionORS has logged on]_

_[Jaws_Fan has logged on]_

_[PLANTman has logged on]_

Jaws_Fan: My goldfish died. :(

IHazTheEyes: …

PLANTman: I know how you feel, my beautiful lotus flower died last week.

ScorpionORS: Can we have a good conversation?

Jaws_Fan: Poor flower. I saw how much you loved her.

PLANTman: She was my WORLD!

IHazTheEyes: I agree with Sasori.

PLANTman: How are you doing the funeral?

Jaws_Fan: I'm placing her back into the same environment that I found her…

ScorpionORS: So…how's tormenting your brother going?

Jaws_Fan: …the toilet.

IHazTheEyes: Not so good. Ever since he joined Orochimaru, I cannot find him anywhere.

PLANTman: The toilet. Simply a zoo of great specimen. I found myself some very sexy looking fungi growing down there once…

ScorpionORS: *blinks* You don't know?

Jaws_Fan: How did your relationship end up?

IHazTheEyes: …what?

PLANTman: It was flushed down the drain. :'(

ScorpionORS: Orochimaru's been taking your brother to a gay bar for these past two months.

Jaws_Fan: ?

PLANTman: ?

IHazTheEyes: …!

Jaws_Fan: …wait…how do you know that they went to a gay bar?

ScorpionORS: Orochimaru's been stalking me on twitter…and real life…

_[Snakeluver118 has logged on]_

PLANTman: Who's this? I thought that this chat room was private.

IHazTheEyes: Someone's hacked it, and connected it to the internet.

Snakeluver118: Hi Itachi, you're looking very...good…these days…

IHazTheEyes: …and you wonder why I'm going blind.

ScorpionORS: Leave, Orochimaru!

Snakeluver118: Why hello, my cute little scorpion.

Jaws_Fan: No wonder he's hiding in Hiruko all the time…

ScorpionORS: *glares*

Snakeluver118: Why don't my weasel and scorpion friends come to…play…over at my house? :)

PLANTman: *throws up*

IHazTheEyes: Don't you have Sasuke to molest?

Snakeluver118: No need to be a meanie Itachi.

Jaws_Fan: Yes. There. Is.

Snakeluver118: Sasooooriiiii, you're looking very toned today.

ScorpionORS: I'm a puppet. I'm toned everyday.

PLANTman: How does he know you're toned?

IHazTheEyes: …

IHazTheEyes: Shit.

Snakeluver118: Because I have a psychic power, which allows me to view Sasori at all times. :D

ScorpionORS: He's standing outside my window.

PLANTman: O.O

Jaws_Fan: O.O

IHazTheEyes: /.\

IHazTheEyes: /.\

IHazTheEyes: O/.\O

ScorpionORS: Oh god.

ScorpionORS: Please put your clothes back on.

PLANTman: *foams at mouth*

Jaws_Fan: *bashes head against table*

IHazTheEyes: *faints*

_[JustGlasses has logged on]_

_[BombsRul3 has logged on]_

_[0Mask has logged on]_

_[Fuck/You has logged on]_

Fuck/you: Hey, who the fuck is 'justglasses'?

0Mask: Hooray! Tobi is on again!

BombsRul3: Joy. Hey, danna, what's the matter?

JustGlasses: Lord Orochimaru, it's time for your sponge bath.

BombsRul3: …what?

Fuck/You: What. The. Fuck?

Snakeluver118: Want to join me Sasori?

Fuck/You: lol XD

BombsRul3: I don't know whether to be worried or laugh.

0Mask: That sounds fun! Can Tobi join?

PLANTman: No, Tobi! Don't!

0Mask: Zetsu-san? Zetsu-san looks really ill…

ScorpionORS: Can we get rid of him already?

Snakeluver118: :(

JustGlasses: You always have me, my lord.

BombsRul3: *spews out drink*

ScorpionORS: …I think I'm glad that he's no longer my spy…

Fuck/You: At first this was funny, but now it's fucking sick…

0Mask: ?

PLANTman: You're too young, Tobi.

Jaws_Fan: LEAVE.

_[Revenge!11! has logged on]_

Snakeluver118: Sa-su-keee! :)

Revenge!11!: ITACHI! Where are you?

ScorpionORS: Now that you mention it…

PLANTman: Where is Itachi, Kisame?

Jaws_Fan: He's either dead or not breathing. :(

Revenge!11!: WOO! REVENGE IS MINE!

Fuck/You: Fucking hell.

ScorpionORS: Stupid Uchiha. Itachi is already dead, so he has no revenge.

Revenge!11!: D:

IHazTheEyes: Back.

Revenge!11!: Now to kill you!

Snakeluver118: Sasuke, I need you to scrub my back.

Revenge!11!: …again?

Snakeluver118: See you around, Itachi-chan and Sasori-chan… :P

Revenge!11!: I'll get you next time Itachi!

_[Snakeluver118 has logged out]_

_[Revenge!11! has logged out]_

_[JustGlasses has logged out]_

BombsRul3: What

Jaws_Fan: The

Fuck/You: Fuck

PLANTman: Just

0Mask: Aww, Tobi wanted to go for a sponge bath…

BombsRul3: Trust me Tobi. Even someone like you, does not deserve a fate like that.

0Mask: Okay! :)

_[BombsRul3 has logged out]_

_[Jaws_Fan has logged out]_

_[0Mask has logged out]_

_[Fuck/You has logged out]_

_[PLANTman has logged out]_

IHazTheEyes: …my mind has been twisted…

ScorpionORS: Same here. I no longer know what's canon or reality anymore.

IHazTheEyes: Our morals have gone.

ScorpionORS: …

IHazTheEyes: …

ScorpionORS: …fancy hot naked puppet/man sex?

IHazTheEyes: …

IHazTheEyes: …sure.

_[ScorpionORS has logged out]_

_[IHazTheEyes has logged out]_

…

_[? Has logged in]_

?: Now the fan girls can sleep happy…

?: Kukukuku…

_[? Has logged out]_


End file.
